Thank you to the Megillah readers, Rak-n-Kol a capella group, Beth Ahavah Players and Young Friend Purim poets for contributing to a fun and funny Purim Saturday night! Here are 2 poems that were read by our Young Friends, Jen Simon Lento, Laurel Klein and Matt Adler.
5 Haikus inspired by Purim, by Matt Adler
1. Purim is so fun
Esther is my number one!
St. Patty’s for Jews
2. Haman was evil
He was the absolute worst
I’m not Walt Witman
3. Vashti got kicked out
The king did not like her clout
4. Mordechai was wise
The Jews he did not let die
Nachas for his mom
5. King Achashverosh
He was not intelligent
George W Bush
by Steve Lento
Shushan–A Purim Ode, by Jennifer Simon Lento
In Shushan did Ahasuerus
A six month drunken ruckus decree.
And wine, like a sacred river, ran;
And common sense dissociated from man,
and there weren`t enough places to pee.
So there the King saw fertile ground
His Starter Wife, Queen Vashti, her towers girdled round.
The King told Vashti to display her sinuous rills.
The King’s courtiers goggled at Vashti’s, uh, fleshy hills.
But Vashti, a teetotaller, deprived them of that scenery.
But O, a deep romantic chasm resulted
The King anulled his marriage athwart!
And called for a beauty contest– Holy and enchanted.
And there, beneath a waning moon presented
the hottie secret Jewess Esther with nary a wart!
And Esther’s cousin Mordecai, who sensed ceaseless turmoil seething,
Caught those rats Bigthon and Teresh planning to stop the King’s breathing,
A mighty deathplot momentously was stopped;
And Mordecai’s rep with the royals totally popped
But Mordecai didn`t get his due hail,
Because the frazzled King made an appointment FAIL:
And dissed his hot Queen by hiring Vizier Jerkboy Haman
who obviously needed to eat more Raisin Bran.
When Mordecai refused to say “what’s up brah?”
Haman yelled, “Respect my Authoritah!”
Haman’s ego was so damaged
He went on a freakin’ rampage!
And ‘mid this tumult Haman called for Jewish annihilation
And the King (whose judgment was impaired by royal inbreeding) said fine, now back to my feast of crustaceans!
Queen Esther and Mordecai had to thwart Haman’s plan
And so called on the Jews to pray like a matzoh brei for jam!
Mordecai paced and panicked and planned.
Esther lured the Court to feast on the royal divans!
For real, Esther brought her hostessing A-Game.
And for three days distracted the King and his Court with hors d’oevres like edamame!
On the third night, the King couldn’t sleep (he needed Pepto Bismol)–
But he couldn’t get any cuz the times were primeval.
Instead he asked his scribe to lull him by reading the records royal,
including budgets, public policies, and the crimes of a lunatic moyel,
But also recounted the good deed of Mordecai,
Reminding the King that Queen Esther’s cousin was a pretty swell guy!
Compelled to reward him, the King called for Haman.
Who swaggered in convinced it was his turn to get his game on,
Ahasuerus asked Haman to suggest a proper reward,
And Haman, with the brilliance of particle board,
said, “King, Pimp the Dude Up with your Robe and a Ride in Your Ford!”
I, Haman, will rock that ride!
The chicks I`ll get, he said with snide.
But Haman was a doofus and got totally bent
When he soon discovered that his reward was to be spent
On Mordecai, the deserving cousin of Queen Esther!
Who wore a hot– but modest– dress and said, “Yo King, I`m a Jewish Schwester!”
As for Haman, and his genocidal plan,
Well, that thing fizzled like day old beer from a can.
And Haman found himself dangling by the Noose of the Hangman.